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Author Topic: mid life crisis  (Read 1833 times)

Bladerunner

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mid life crisis
« on: January 19, 2017, 09:17:37 AM »
I dunno why I'm posting this here, but I just have to get it out. I shortened the post a lot too. Just posting it for a few hours was all I needed kind of.

I feel like I been sleeping for over 2 years. My drinking got really bad in 2014. Early 2015 I had my first blackout an found out the cops drove me home that night. A couple months after that I wound up in the hospital with a bac of almost .40%. I had punched a cop and a few paramedics, and woke up in restraints. It was scary. I've had other bad experiences and what has turned into what looks to be suicidal behavior, though it's my subconscious trying to kill me, not my conscious mind.

Today I was reading Rai's thread and noted how he hadn't started up his PC for a long time either. Well I started it up, and found all my old pictures, journal entries, and even old band recordings that had somehow disappeared from my phone. It all came back to me and I remembered what it was like in 2012 when I still felt like a normal person. Made me cry. I realized today that I've been sleeping for the past 2, maybe 3 years. Time just runs so fast and hits you like a freight train when you think about it.. and it runs faster and faster and you don't even notice how fast it goes until you look back and wonder how life got so fucked up so fast and where all the time went.

Thanks Choy for running the server. I got on there for the first time in a long time and it was great.

I been busy with fabrication both for pleasure and for work, below is something I built for myself in the past year.

Maybe I need new friends, get in a band again, maybe a new woman.. I don't know. Thanks for listening.
« Last Edit: January 19, 2017, 07:34:18 PM by Bladerunner »
If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by
You're thinkin' like a fool cause it's a case of do or die
Out there is a fortune waitin' to be had
You think I'll let it go you're mad

Heather

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Re: mid life crisis
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2017, 11:29:06 PM »
Sorry :(   I can relate, I used to have some substance abuse problems and you really do lose the time, it kills me inside that I let so many opportunities slip by because my priorities were fucked up.  Life is too short to be unhappy, I hope you are able to get it sorted.  There are lots of great doctors and support groups out there.  0.4% is crazy, you are lucky you're alive to tell the story!  Awesome bike!

FUBAR!!

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Re: mid life crisis
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2017, 05:26:15 PM »
bladerunner you know I feel the same way life is just flying by and I'm a spectator in it.. though my problems are baby mama drama and the fact I did not hear from him in so long... working 70 -90 hour weeks just to make rent and break even 0but I never turned to drugs besides weed.. idk why to be honest. here I will tell you what helps me I went to lowes and bought a BlueSky wireless light with white and colored led with a Bluetooth speaker and I chill in bed turn the light to color change mode and listen to binaural beats and meditation music... sooths me

Habebe

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Re: mid life crisis
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2017, 07:52:29 PM »
Heather Heather Heather ... every Christmas eve I think of wooden shoes. Seriously, I was listening to a song most recently " https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=namFjcOgHSE " ...time does fly. Some might say that my note should be "post-life" crisis, but crap man we are still here. Lots to say, been away, not long enough some might say ... I can edit this an add something of value when I wake up, right ????

p.s. yea yea , I know , I used "say" twice in my rhyme